News & Events: 2009 Big of the Year Winners

 Big Brother of the Year: Jacob Calderin (Little Brother Rafael)

When Jacob, “Jake,” first moved to Boston, he wanted to get involved in the community and more specifically, befriend a child in need; so he pursued the Big Brothers program.  Jake’s childhood did not include consistent and meaningful relationships with the male role models in his life. He didn’t want another child to experience this kind of absence in their life and he knows how important it is for children to have a constant and true friend.  So it isn’t any surprise that Jake and his Little Brother Rafael have been matched for eight years!

Jake and Rafael met each other when Rafael was an energetic seven year-old who was eager to spend time with his new friend going to museums, sporting events and to the movies.  It was very important for Jake to be matched with a Latino Little Brother because he felt they could share a cultural bond and learn more about their heritage together – this has played an integral role in their friendship.  Jake has been teaching Rafael different words in Spanish and whenever possible they attend Latino cultural events.

A few years prior to Rafael becoming involved in the Big Brothers Big Sisters program, he was adopted by his foster mother, Kathleen.  Rafael’s older brother also had been involved in the program, and Kathleen was excited for Rafael to have a positive and caring male role model in his life, too.

When Jake first met his Little Brother, Rafael was dealing with ADHD, PTSD and an attachment disorder.

These challenges contributed to a fear of abandonment and prompted him to look for meaningful relationships wherever he thought he could find them. Specialists advised Rafael not to hug or show affection to others unless he really cared about or loved the person.  Jake was aware of the issue when they were matched and in order to make the healing process easier, he was careful not to be too demonstrative.  A few months into their relationship, Jake and Rafael were saying goodbye after their time together and Rafael hugged Jake for the very first time.  This seems like a simple and small act of kindness, but to Jake this was the turning point in their friendship, and he is still moved by it to this day.

Jake is very involved with Rafael’s education and plans for his future.  When Rafael was in the sixth grade, Jake chaperoned his school trip to New York City.  Rafael was thrilled to share his Big Brother with his friends and says that the trip was one of his favorite memories.  Rafael is now involved in the college prep program, Upward Bound, where Jake recently spoke to the group about a career in the fashion industry.  With the support from Jake, Rafael is determined to continue his education.  Rafael feels he can talk to his Big Brother about anything and as he matures, he prefers to spend time just talking with Jake.  One time when Jake suggested they go to the movies together, Rafael said “I can go to the movies with anyone.  You can’t talk in the movies, and I want to talk!”

Rafael’s mother Kathleen says that “Jake will do just about anything for Rafael” and that Jake is considered part of the family.  She also shares a special relationship Jake – they use a team approach when it comes to Rafael.  When Jake recently attended Rafael’s Confirmation, he was filled with pride to see Rafael reach this milestone.  He remembered Rafael’s first Communion and reminisced about how much he had grown since then; he even thought about the day that Rafael would walk down the aisle.  This Big Brother and Little Brother have a life-long bond.  Jake says: “Rafael is a part of my life equation.  It’s a given that we will always be in each other’s life.”

 Big Sister of the Year: Karen Moss (Little Sister Carly)

Raised on a dairy farm in Montana, Karen moved to the Boston area 10 years ago knowing "no one.” Throughout her career, Karen has been devoted to working with adolescents at the Home for Little Wanderers and Bridge over Troubled Waters. Currently she is employed at Bunker Hill Community College as a transfer counselor.

Karen was inspired to become a Big Sister after being a reference for a co-worker who was becoming a Big himself.  Karen had just moved to Hyde Park and thought it would be fun to explore the neighborhood with a Little Sister.

Karen credits Big Brothers Big Sisters for making such a "perfect match” between her and Carly. They share many of the same interests--roller-skating, math and science, baking and playing scrabble. After three years their friendship has grown into one of mutual respect and admiration.

Karen is still surprised by how attached to Carly she has become.

Karen also is amazed how well Carly knows her and how attuned she is to Karen. Recently Karen became engaged. Soon afterwards, Carly and Karen were discussing what her colors were going to be.  Karen wasn't sure how to pick but she definitely knew it would NOT be pink. Carly asked, "Well - you do like green and brown?”  Karen didn't think anything of it until she was looking at the color swatches and those were exactly the colors she chose.  This May, Carly will be wearing green and brown as one of Karen’s bridesmaids.

Upon hearing that Carly was going to be a bridesmaid and that her whole family is invited to the wedding in Montana, Carly’s Mom Kathy says, “NOW THAT’S GREAT!”  Kathy praises Karen, “With all that is going on with her life Karen has treated us as if she has been with us all of her life. I could not have asked for a better Big Sister if we had picked her ourselves.”

Karen has become a friend to the whole family, regularly coming to the home to bake cookies, help Carly with her schoolwork and even help Kathy study for a work-training program at her job.

Carly knows that Karen values education, and Carly does really well in school. Carly wants to go to MIT, and so Karen has taken her to the MIT Museum, and they talk often about the Carly's future.  Karen says, “sometimes we just have fun and try not to talk about the struggles in her life".  Karen is proud of the young lady Carly is growing up to be and laughs about how long they have been together—“we used to visit toy stores, now we go to the cell phone store.”

There was a rough period when Carly's older sister moved out of the family home, and Carly had a tough time adjusting to these changes.  Kathy called Karen and together they worked through these bumps.  It was scary for Karen because it was the first time she had to set limits and share concerns about Carly’s choices, and she didn't know how it would affect their relationship.  Karen now views this as a turning point in their relationship when Carly realized that Karen truly cares for her well-being.

One of the best experiences Karen describes was when she and Carly took was to the Vermont to visit an old friend of Karen’s from college.  They visited Shelburn Farms, a sustainable farm with chickens, sheep, cheese making, a bakery and most especially a dairy farm.  They harvested fiddleheads in the forest and then pickled the fiddleheads and spent the evening over an open fire pit making s’mores.  There were lots of first for Carly on that trip - the fiddleheads, the farm animals, the s’mores, and she loved it all.

When Karen reflects on the time she has spent with Carly during the three years they have been matched she can see how important some of those moments were to Carly and to herself.  She feels being a Big Sister makes her more thoughtful and more aware of her behavior as a role model.  She doesn't want to do something that she wouldn't want Carly to do.  She takes her role as a mentor very seriously but at the same time enjoys remembering what it is like to be 14 years-old again and having a little fun.